The Catholic Perspective

5 non-negotiable relationship rules needed to stay together, forever

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Our society seems to be in a pivotal moment of change. What kind of change?  Change in society, culture, economics, Ex Citra…  The list is endless. Our lord has changed the attitudes about marriage in our society. In the United States, the odds of not getting divorced are the same as flipping a coin, but that seems to be changing or actually dropping…  You must assume that with the economy… no you’re wrong…What dropping?

Today, we may have the lowest divorce rate in the United States since the 1970s.  In fact, as Catholics we enter into fewer divorces then the general population, according to the Barna Group. So, why post about something that seems to be resolving itself? In the last few years, I have known either friends or acquaintances to get divorced. Why, is the question I still ask myself?

After talking many times with my own fiancée we both looked into our own relationship. We came up with the 5 non-negotiable relationship rules needed to stay together, forever. This is not limited to only five rules, but these are the rules we have used in our own relationship and it seems to work. In the next few weeks I will cover the following rules:

1. Communicate ,Communicate, Communicate
2. Do you listen, really?
3. Its’ we, not I DUMMY!
4. 48hr make up
5. Grow Together

Feel free to leave comment about your own relationship rules.

Posted by Catholic Chump on 07/28 at 02:33 PM in Lifestyle,Relationship, | (0) Comments

5 Relationship Rules: Do you listen, really?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Imagine you’re sitting in the car carefree, listening to nothing but your own mind wonder. All of a sudden you’re brought back to reality as you hear, “Are you listening to me?” As most men you quickly collect yourself and try to BS your way out of trouble. As usual you don’t get far and now you’re in the hot seat. In my last post we talked about communicating. Communication is key to any relationship as I pointed out before, but what makes it successful?

Listening!!!! In any relationship you have the best ones are the ones that you listen and then speak. These posts are from a catholic male perspective, so please if you are the other from the other persuasion (by all means) leave a comment. I will just assume many men are like the scenario described at the start of this post, but that is one type of listening. In this post I want to focus on, well, I will refer as active or passive listening. Active listening is when you listen to every word a person is saying and you can follow. I think most of the time most men do not have a difficult time actively listening to their significant other. Now passive listening is something I struggle with everyday.  Active listening can be quickly fixed in many ways as simple as, just start listening. Although passive listening is very different and difficult since you may be already actively listening, but not really listening.  (If Stephanie reads this just like most women you are probably nodding your head, while your man is like WTF)

God designed man and woman differently; as you may already know from books like, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. God created man for a purpose to worship and focus on him. So God purposely designed men with a tunnel vision. Typically most of us want to solve problems so when you are listening to your significant other about her day we zone into a problem and immediately try to resolve it. WRONG! All she wants is us to listen and empathize (think its’ empathize) with her.  I think the problem I have with passive listening is that I want to solve and talk. NOT LISTEN!!! God designed women to focus on multiple things. Women are fully capable in solving her own set of problems, and as men we need understand that and suck up our pride in thinking we are the sole problem solvers in the relationship.

So the point is, we need to start listening which means for us to shut up, listen, and understand. The short and simple solution, but remember in any relationship it takes time to understand when it need not apply. I do believe sometimes we as catholic men need to be in the hot seat. Healthy conflict helps grow the relationship. When you’re in a marriage or destined to be married you both need to focus on US not I. Next week, I will discuss how to communicate US and not me.

Posted by Catholic Chump on 08/20 at 12:11 AM in Lifestyle,Relationship, | (0) Comments

5 Relationship Rules: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Communicate, got it! NOOO… do not skip this post, this rule is not only required for all relationships, it’s a prerequisite to the rest of the rules. ’Communicate’ is what many think they understand, but even I do on occasion screw it all up. We will assume you need the ability to communicate in order to be in any form of relationship.

Well, let’s define what is it to communicate? Webster defines it as “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.” If you take notice that definition does not indicate formal language written or spoken. In many relationships you may not need to speak or write to communicate efficiently this is especially true in romantic relationships.

One example of communicating without speaking is when I play fetch with my dogs. Below I have a list of hand commands:
Stop, pay attention to me
Sit
Stay, wait
Fetch what I am pointing at
This list illustrates the command and the response I should receive from my dogs. If my dogs are not trained I will not receive the proper response. Makes sense, but what does training a dog have to do with communicating and your romantic relationship?

A lot, since communication involves how to respond, accordingly. With dogs we purposely train them to follow commands, but as people we train people not on purpose.In my own relationship I have trained Stephanie to be aware that I am happy, sad, mad, or upset. For instance, Stephanie will understand how to respond, or not respond to me based on the situation and past events she learned how I respond back.Another example is when we started to date. Stephanie hates to be tickled and did not communicate that to me at first. Because she never told me, when we first started dating I did it a lot. Eventually she told me and I stopped. If I do tickle her today I know I will get her mad at me so I refrain, even though it kills me because I enjoy seeing her laugh.

Sounds simple enough… communicate and you will have a lasting relationship. As I mentioned earlier, you still can have a bad relationship this rule is a prerequisite to the rest. Communication is a basic rule to any successful relationship. A more advance topic of ‘communicate, communicate, communicate’ is efficient communication and intimacy within romantic relationship. So how do you communicate effectively?  As with my dogs they have to focus on the command, and from my own life you have to listen, but do you really think you’re listening? Can you present me with any examples of when you have communicated effectively, and times you have? Please leave a comment, next week I will try to answer the question, “Do you listen, really?”

Posted by Catholic Chump on 08/04 at 12:00 PM in Relationship, | (0) Comments

Are the perspectives of Pope Benedict and President Obama the same?

Monday, July 13, 2009

Since the election of Barrack Obama, many U.S. Bishops have not been as hospitable as our current pontiff. I’ve came across some reasons whythe pontiff may have been more hospitable. Some of these reasons may be:

• The Vatican has been dealing with politicians for centuries.
• European culture is different since Catholics have lost the battle for abortion so they concentrate on other issues
• The pope found a connection from his view expressed in his recent encyclical Caritas in Veritate (Love in Truth) with Obama’s commencement address at Notre Dame

So what is it? Could it be that the pope looks at the big picture?  The pope agreed on the issue of bio-ethics and life with the previous administration, but I feel that was the only issues they saw eye-to-eye. Our current president has shown light of other issues, such as the need for:

• Charity
• HealthCARE
• Community
• Peace /Love

President’s commencement address at Notre Dame and Pope Benedict’s recent encyclical seems to be words that remind me of my post reviewing “A Civilization of Love” by Sir Grand Knight Anderson.  From my past posts you may have seen a bias toward this president. Now it’s time to test this man to his words.  I feel that many of his ideas of volunteering and providing for the greater good is what jesus would want. In general I feel that abortion is one great issue, but not the greatest issue. The greatest issue is to love everyone no matter what. Jesus did and we must trust that this president may not be our pro-life president, but he may be the president of hope to change our culture to a culture of love. Maybe the pope is taking this message of love from JP2 and our lord and sees something in our president that the bishops have not seen, Hope. Maybe our president can provide hope for our community to become more charitable, loving, and proactive. On the same note people like the CatholicHack have the correct idea that we need to have hope that he will become our pro-life president. As I see it he is three quarters there, he does not believe in capital punishment and he want to try to “reduce the number of abortions”.

So is the Vatican more political, in order, to deal with politicians with whom they disagree or does the pope like President Obama outside some ethical gaps? I think not , when our the pontiff and president shook hands, was a start of an ongoing dialog that may change our presidents heart on this issue.

Posted by Catholic Chump on 07/13 at 11:59 AM in News,Politics, | (0) Comments

My Response to Travis

Saturday, November 08, 2008

The site I mention in my rant is the following
Catholic Democrats

Posted by Catholic Chump on 11/08 at 09:52 PM in | (1) Comments